"

I
There are lyrics so beautiful I don’t know what to do about them I wanna bathe in them or write them all over my body I wanna show up to your doorstep and hold them to your face and ask you how can you ignore me if you make me feel just like these lyrics do.

II
I know it’s just you because when he touched me on that bare spot in my shoulder it didn’t feel like he just set my skin on fire like it used to back in February but when your elbow accidentally bumped with mine I felt a surge of electricity running thru my body, as if your skin had the capacity to make my every atom feel like they weren’t even atoms anymore.

III
I haven’t written in a long time because I’ve felt hollow even though I know my insides are filled with muscles and fat and bones and blood and organs and tissue, I’ve felt as if my body is just a vessel, a poor excuse of a human, but you make me feel as if I’m gonna burst thru my own skin because all of this suddenly doesn’t fit inside my body. So I think I’m back to writing.

IV
Every time a cute boy talks to me, it just reminds me just how much of no one else there is.

V
I worried about how my car would smell before he got in, but he complimented the warm vanilla scent once he did.

My hands shook when I plugged the aux cord to my phone because I didn’t know which song to play so he would think that I have good musical taste therefore I would be cool enough to be worth his time. I finally decided to play my favorite song and he kept talking excitedly over it so I don’t think he noticed.

"I’m sorry for the mess" I apologized and I’m sure he thought I meant the scattered receipts and empty gum wrappers, but I really meant myself.

VI
I don’t know you at all and believe me, I know how awkward all of this is and how badly I’ve handled things but somehow I still miss your voice.

VII
I never used to notice cars like yours since they are perhaps one of the most plain ones there are, not ugly or old or anything, which is exactly why they don’t stand out.
Now I see them everywhere, and I always almost crash my car because I wanna make sure it’s not you driving it.

VIII
I’d never given that song a chance until you played it at my party.

IX
Me when I’m falling in love: “maybe I’m just catching a cold”.

"
Etymology of Crush #1 (inspired by x)
coming of age / a playlist about growing up and how terrifying, painful and exciting it is

1. all these things that i’ve done - the killers / 2. are you what you want to be? - foster the people / 3. ask yourself - foster the people / 4. battle born - the killers / 5. coming of age - foster the people / 6. a crippling blow - the killers / 7. don’t lie - vampire weekend / 8. fire escape - foster the people / 9. fluorescent adolescent - arctic monkeys / 10. giving up the gun - vampire weekend / 11. it’s my own cheating heart that makes me cry - glasvegas / 12. note to self - jake bugg / 13. obvious bicycle - vampire weekend / 14. only the young - brandon flowers / 15. pine trees - jake bugg / 16. riot van - arctic monkeys / 17. sam’s town - the killers / 18. seen it all - jake bugg / 19. step - vampire weekend / 20. swallow it - brandon flowers / 21. two fingers - jake bugg / 22. why do i keep counting - the killers / 23. young lion - vampire weekend

spotify / youtubeplaylist breakdown (coming soon)

coming of age / a playlist about growing up and how terrifying, painful and exciting it is

1. all these things that i’ve done - the killers / 2. are you what you want to be? - foster the people / 3. ask yourself - foster the people / 4. battle born - the killers / 5. coming of age - foster the people / 6. a crippling blow - the killers / 7. don’t lie - vampire weekend / 8. fire escape - foster the people / 9. fluorescent adolescent - arctic monkeys / 10. giving up the gun - vampire weekend / 11. it’s my own cheating heart that makes me cry - glasvegas / 12. note to self - jake bugg / 13. obvious bicycle - vampire weekend / 14. only the young - brandon flowers / 15. pine trees - jake bugg / 16. riot van - arctic monkeys / 17. sam’s town - the killers / 18. seen it all - jake bugg / 19. step - vampire weekend / 20. swallow it - brandon flowers / 21. two fingers - jake bugg / 22. why do i keep counting - the killers / 23. young lion - vampire weekend

spotify / youtube
playlist breakdown (coming soon)

"

I know I’m in deep because I’m afraid of not having stuff to do, to distract me, because I’ll start thinking about you.

Because I don’t wanna go to sleep because I know I’ll just spend hours and hours tussling about in my bed, failing to rest and just thinking about you, and not even what we could have, but what we don’t have and why I could never have you.

I don’t want to do anything because I’m too sad to even get out of bed because I like you and that makes my every atom ache and yet, I can’t not do anything because ill start thinking about you and it will get bad again. It’s just a vicious cycle I can’t get out of and I’m exhausted.

"
Sad Days
I want it all (x).

I want it all (x).

"

I want to stare at him with the light that my blinds let in while the sun is starting to rise, which is just enough to light his sleeping face, and marvel at his eyelashes, which I never noticed how long they were before, and fight the incredible urge to kiss them, as to not wake him up.

I want him to sigh my name as he wakes up and I can see in his half closed eyes that he loves me almost as deeply as I love him without having to utter a single word.

I want him to brush his fingers against my skin, even if in mundane places like my forearm, and wonder at how soft it is, picking up the scent my lotion left in it, and ask himself how he could ever make it thru the day without having me between his hands.

"
Mornings
"You know you’re fucked when you spend hours trying to remember those twenty minutes he was at that house party you threw last year because for the life of you you cant remember his face, his voice, his expressions, and you ask god what are you gonna do with yourself and your frail heart even though you were raised an atheist and have never even set foot inside a church."
I can’t help but compare

I can’t help but compare